Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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