none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
