I just cut my nipple shaving
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
