sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
