pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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