we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
