i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
