i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
