Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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