I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
