i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
