Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
