Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Are we still banned from the library?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
