also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
