I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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