so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
