how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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