found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
