if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
