life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
