fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
