my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this beer tastes like vomit already
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
