I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
