hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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