worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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