so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
