You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
should my penis look like a turkey
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I believe in your delicious
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
