walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
