i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why did my mother make you get naked?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
