Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Houston, we have a blender
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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