Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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