God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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