My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
