do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
