since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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