is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
