U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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