FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
