you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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