i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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