i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
