is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize