Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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