Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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