We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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