bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
