my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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