DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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