Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
