So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
