im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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