I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
