i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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