Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
