Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
