So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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