I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
