I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
smell my finger.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
