i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
