I'm going to jail i love you
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
