the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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