Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
