Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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