i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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