I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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