i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
