Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
