I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
did i walk over a car last night?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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