I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
