Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
